It’s been one month since starting the new role, and this may just be naivety speaking – but I think I really love it. And not just because I got to participate in taking out someone else’s kidney on my birthday this year (not everyone’s idea of a good birthday present I admit, but it’ll go down as a favourite in my books by any means).
The reality is that I’ve always known that I would love being a nurse practitioner – the perfect blend of medical professions wrapped neatly in a prescriber number and stethoscope. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about finding my feet as a candidate in Urology, of all directorates.
It’s not that I have any kind of adversity to Urology itself – in fact, I cut my teeth in nursing on the patient cohort and for the most part absolutely loved it (minus bladder irrigations which have an unruly gameplay all of their own that defies logic) – but, was always the reputation that preceded the clinical team as one that was hard to be a part of. And I’ve been around long enough to know my biggest challenges mightn’t ever be the actual work if the past is any indicator of the future. But so far, so good – I’ve managed to make only friends, not enemies. And I’m determined to shape this future of ours for the better in any little way I can. Besides, I like to think sometimes all it takes is one person to set a change in motion. So why not be the catalyst?
From clinical standpoint however, I couldn’t find myself better situated as a NP candidate than in Urology. As I’ve spoken to other NP candidates in other areas, I’ve come to realise that by planting my feet here, I have the opportunity to add a fairly significant procedural base to my skillset – from cystoscopies to biopsies to (maybe) even diathermy one day… the world is wide on this side of the medical fence. At this juncture – I couldn’t be more thankful because not everyone has been as lucky. And I really intend to soak up every new skill my new urology shoes will let me.
The reality is that I still can’t quite believe that I am doing this.
Sometimes I have to really stop and take a moment to breathe it all in. How far I have come from the yearning to be considered for a NP candidate, to be sitting here now eye-balls deep in Pharmacology subject matter (oh hey there CYP450 enzymes, ready to be friends?) and proudly wearing scrubs embroidered with ‘Nurse Practitioner’. To have dreamt so long of simply getting into the Masters degree, and now be doing it as a candidate who is being paid 8 hours of work time weekly to work on my many assignments feels every bit as fictitious as it sounds – but if I were to pinch myself any harder, I know I’ll cause injury. Because this is real life, and it’s somehow happening.
In fact, at the risk of sounding unfathomably idealistic, even the mountain-stack of university work has been a welcomed challenge. To throw myself into a world I still have so much to learn about has been exciting and new, and it’s given me so much drive. When Z says he’s always thought of my brain as a sponge desperate to soak up new knowledge, he wasn’t wrong. My little brain is thriving on the prospect of levelling up. The other thing is that this degree is so interwoven with the work that I’m doing as a candidate, that in some ways, it feels effortless. What I learn in a lecture, I’ll see in practice the very next day – and it’s making the transition from clinical nurse to NP so much more meaningful.
I’m sure I won’t always have such an infatuation with uni or the huge learning curve, but for now I’m embracing it. Because it’s making my little heart feel joy, and it’s been a while since it felt that. A welcomed distraction from some of the heavier aspects of my world, and something that feels like it really is just for me. So after this post, I’m making an attempt to stop questioning whether this chapter of my life is real or not – or even whether I deserve it or not – and just love it for everything it is (bladder irrigations included).
The only real criticism I think I have so far is the sheer length of my job title – as I’m entirely sure that answering phone calls by the job title ‘Nurse Practitioner Candidate Urology’ takes at least 10 whole minutes out of my day by the end of it. But a necessary angst one would suggest, and all the more reason to strive ahead towards the brightest of days ahead when I get to drop the candidate altogether – because you better believe it’s coming!
d x
Life, She Wrote. 