If there is one thing you should know in this lifetime, it’s that people will let you down. It’s not always that they mean to, it’s just that it’s a human flaw and i figure, it just can’t be helped.
Today, I am let down. So immensely let down. By someone who I genuinely thought would never be the cause of this feeling. I am so consumed by disappointment I can barely eat. I tried to cry, but the tears won’t fall and I’m not sure whether that just simply means that the hurt is too deep.
I wanted to believe that they were a better person. In fact, I did. I trusted in it. I trusted in them with almost everything I had. Which is more profound than I can explain coming from the girl who holds more faith in rollercoasters than human promise.
And yet, here I am. Tucked away in the midst of a summer afternoon storm, craving to be alone with my thoughts, and my confusion over how someone could have so epically fallen short of the mark.
Perhaps I said it one too many times that the happiness out loud theory excavated my own happiness in pursuit of nailing my feet back to the ground. Or perhaps I just couldn’t see through the sugar coating.
Maybe they were always destined to let me down.
And I guess this is where I try to make sense of it. Wildly typing my raw emotions into my MacBook in the hope that it will expose a reason why. Something that will make the hurt make sense, that will make me understand.
And when I finish and the reason remains un-illumintaed, I’ll stop to realise that this, this hurt – it’s part and parcel of life. And that eventually it’ll make me stronger, like a broken bone healing over.
It’s a bit of a sad reality, and I know this blog’s purpose has always been to illuminate the beauty in this world, but I am beginning to understand that there’s a strange beauty in learning the hard lessons too. People will always let you down. You don’t ever see it coming until it’s there, staring you in the face and giving you a choice. And I’ll never give you a more important piece of advice other than to stop walking towards the people who let you down, and couldn’t care less.
I’m a girl who happily gives too much. And maybe I’ll never change despite the broken edges of my heart. But I will learn to be braver in the face of being let down.
Just know that your hurt, just like mine, will fade. And what grows in it’s empty place will bring better days. I have to believe in that. So you can too.