The essentials of surviving adulthood.

The thing about being an adult is that you come to love the things you never thought you would. It’s the realisation that you now find a sale on vacuum cleaners at Myers exciting, and that the prospect of a Bunnings trip gets you feeling like it’s going to be a great day.

Whatever happened to my care-free Saturday nights out on the town until 5am? I’ll never quite know. But I will tell you one thing, I’m not entirely missing it (Cue freak out! Who am I even?).

I think that in that moment you are aware that you’ve well and truely crossed the threshold into adulthood is an odd concept to comprehend at first. To then realise you care about the condition of your front lawn as much as your father does, is to realise there really is no going back. You have arrived at your destination. You are an adult now. Congratulations.

And yeah it’s daunting at first – what is a variable rate and why does everyone suddenly need all my money? But after a little while, you start to get the hang of it and life makes more sense now, than it perhaps ever has before. You start to realise the value of money, the things that you own and the people around you. And at the risk of sounding like a true adult – this is maybe one of the greatest lessons you’ll ever learn.

When I think about adulthood, I’ve come to realise that if you let go of the fear that holds you back, being a grown-up isn’t all that bad. If you take the age of being responsible and put it to good use, this chapter of your life may just supersede the greatness of being a carefree teen.

But in order to supersede, there are three essentials in the survival of adulthood. And the sooner you figure them out, the better you will be for it…so, I’ll let you in on the secret now.

  1. Make Goals
    As an adult, you’ll need to make goals. Realistic and timely goals. Find a direction for your life and set about fulfilling its purpose. It’s not always easy to find your path, but start with the small things – like purchasing a drill, and then let it snowball into building a house. If you just start, one by one, you find yourself crossing things off the list and creating this life you imagined when you were younger but never thought you would ever bring to fruition. It changes your independence, and before you know it, the training wheels are off. You’re doing it. You’re pedalling through life on your own, and theres no fear.
  2.  Travel Far
    As an adult you’ll add an extensive amount of destinations to your travel list. But take the time and make it one of your goals to see all the places you’re dreaming of at some point. There’s nothing quite like experiencing how different somebody else lives. You’ll learn to breathe a different air and realise the world is so much bigger than you, and the tiny corner of the earth you’ve been living in. It changes how you think, how you view your own life. It’s like putting on a new pair of glasses and seeing things in a whole new way. It makes you grateful, it makes you knowledgable.
  3. Love Always
    Let yourself fall in love, more deeply than you ever have before. Find out what it means to give everything with no expectation of return. You’ll realise the importance of having people in your life that are only going to enrich it. You’ll learn that some people, no matter how hard you hoped against it, will let you down –  and that there is beauty in rising from the hurt. You’ll then truely know the value of the ones that have never left your side, even through the darkest of moments. It changes the way you treat others, it makes you strong and it will define you in a way nothing else ever will.

Being an adult is the point at which you start to build the foundations for your future and if your clever, you’ll learn to love every downfall, every learning curve, and every triumph along the way because it counts for everything. You’ll learn to embrace your flaws and focus on your strengths, using them to make adulthood your own awe-inspiring story.

Be brave and learn to laugh, see it for the adventure that it is. Newly acquired adulthood is mostly about figuring a way through the most unfamiliar situations, like rookie-plumbing a drainage system down the side of the house, and being ecstatically proud when you achieve what you set out to (and theres no leak in sight!).

Welcome to adulthood, now you have the essentials – supersede.

d x

kids-in-shoes

 

 

 

 

 

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The support act. 

Sometimes I wonder what it is that places a heart and mind on two very separate pages of the same story. 

How is it possible to love something we shouldn’t or what tears us in two? Why can’t a heart change feelings as quickly as the mind can make the decision that we need too?

And what, just what, is it about humans that makes us believe that we never deserved better than that.

I have watched a close friend of mine lose the very things that made her, her… All because the word goodbye was something her heart couldn’t pronounce when her mind had tried it’s hardest to sound it out. 

Over the last three years, I have watched her effervescent personality fade into a shadow of self-doubt and insecurities all because she chose to love someone who will never love her as he should. And it makes me as angry as it does sad to know she’s limited her heart to a future with a hurt that could have so easily been avoided. 

I have been the shoulder to cry on, and I have provided the ‘happy gerbras’ and Krispy Kremes. And now I don’t know what more to do because I want to save her and I can’t. 

This is her battle. The task of pronouncing goodbye isn’t something I can teach her. She will have to learn that one on her own. 

Accepting this has been hard for me. I’m the sort of person who wishes it were completely possible to wipe him from her memory altogether so I could see a genuine happiness return to her world. I want her to enjoy life again, not to see life as a chore or simply her ‘lot in life’. 

Unfortunately though, it’s not up to me. In fact, I could keep doing my best to make it better until my dying breath – but it wouldn’t fix her. Because the fixing can only be done by her. 

This is something that I’ve come to really learn this year. People can only fix themselves if they want to, and there is no more you can do than be the soft landing that catches them on their darkest days. 

I guess I’ve realised that while this boy is the source of many of her problems, he’s also the source of her intermittent happiness. She has fallen so deeply in love with him that she has chosen to love his flaws no matter how cruelly they scar her. 

And while it is easy for me to sit here and form the opinion that she would be better off without him, it is far harder to be in her shoes. To dismantle the life that she has built around him over the last three years would be perhaps a seemingly impossible task. And I’ve only begun to try to see it from her point of view. 

She once told me that she would ‘be no happier without him’ than she is now. It was a statement that broke my heart as I watched her shuffle her feet, bluntly accepting a future where happiness may never truely become the steer. 

I have thrown myself both sides of the invisible friendship line, having offered advice in both support of the relationship, and in protest. 

I have spoken many times with her about deserving far more than he can give, and played devils advocate on many occasions in the hope she would question what her future looks like. 

And in situations like these, I’m really not sure what a good friend should do anymore. 

I guess she will figure it out. And I have already made the decision that I will be there for her in all capacity, be it with or without him. 

While it may frustrate me to see her hurt, I think it would be far worse for me to turn my back just because I don’t think he deserves the love she gives. 

There will be plenty more tears, and plenty more sugar-coated-cream-filled donuts. But this year I have made the promise to not give up on her. Because I think that’s what being a good friend means. 

It isn’t always easy, but I don’t think it was ever meant to be. And if each day I can help her find a little more of what makes her shine brighter again, then it will have been always worth it. 

d x