I’m sitting here in my empty apartment which in the last 24 hours went from being equipped with furniture and belongings, to now only baring a solitary zipper clasp (not sure what off exactly?) and the many little divots in the carpet that have become the tell-tale sign of where everything has lived for the last year and a half.
Although this little home of mine was always a temporary place to exist, I feel strangely attached to it and it’s almost as if I’m not ready to leave even when I knew I would have to.
And it’s not as if the choice to move was sudden, I have been packing the many pieces that comprise my life into cardboard boxes for well over a month now. And I have been diligently keeping a log of what I put in each box, because knowing me, I’ll need to rampage through my storage lot in two weeks for something I packed and forgot I would undoubtedly need. I even went to the lengths of measuring every piece of furniture down to the millimetre to create a ‘drawn-to-scale’ picture of how things were going to fit Tetris-style into the little two by three storage unit (call it OCD, but I like to think of it as an organising talent necessary to fit one whole apartment into something the size of a garden shed). So in many ways, I was well prepared. I had full knowledge. And yet, this whole “leaving the premise by midnight tonight” thing has somehow snuck up on me still.
In my head, I had more time to process the move. So now that the moment to leave is here, I’m not entirely sure I’ve finished saying goodbye. I’ve been so wrapped up in leading the escapade of moving (and I’m definitely getting better at it – out and into storage in less than four hours!), that I’ve barely stopped to realise the finality in it.
And I’ve been sitting here watching the sun rise one last time from this little lounge room, trying to figure out why its a sad feeling that sits heavily in my chest and not one of happy anticipation. I mean, in four short months I’ll have a house of my own!
Perhaps it’s because this is the home that cradled me when all my dreams came true? Getting a job as a nurse, making it permanent, passing my med school entry exam, buying my first home. These were some of my best days, and on each one of them I came home to celebrate in this little apartment.
And there have been bad days here too, some of the worst I’ve somehow miraculously lived through, but this is the home that cradled me then too, offering me enough warmth and comfort to heal the broken parts of my heart.
I can only put it down to the fact that this apartment has become a part of me, somewhere where I have loved and dreamed and lost, and placed ties to each inch of it to call it my own. It wasn’t my first home, but somewhere along the way, it became the most significant home. And I think that’s because I’ve done the most growing here.
The next few months will be interesting, that’s a certainty. With construction on the new house about to begin, it is almost time to say goodbye to this little home so I can fall in love with a new one that will not be so temporary. And until then I will be packing the basics and moving back in with the parents – scary move for this ball of independence, and I’m not sure how it’s going to go!
I do love my parents more than anything, but I haven’t lived with them since I was nineteen, so I’ll have to keep you posted on how that all works out. It is the best option though, rent-free paradise living with meals cooked and served nightly… I really don’t have much to be complaining about at all!
Except for the fact that it’s now a twenty-one minute (precisely, I’ve timed it) drive to see my Mr, and since our time schedules have never really complimented each other, I’m entirely worried I might not see him for weeks at a time!
There’s no doubt in my mind, this will be a very new life pattern to get used to, and I’ve long since made a vow to welcome change. So this is me, accepting that there’s a new chapter lurking around the corner and hoping with all my heart, it’s going to be an amazing one when I turn that page.
This is life, it keeps moving even when your not sure your ready to keep moving too. So I’ve untangled the apartment keys from my diamante encrusted ‘D’ key ring and bravely left them on the kitchen counter for the next person who will call it home. And as I walk out the door one last time, I’m going to smile knowing this has been the best little temporary home I’ve ever known!
“Do you guys have to go to the new house right away or do you have some time?
We have some time.
Well should we grab some coffee?
– Friends (The Last One)