February 3rd, 2015
Last year, I wrote a blog about ‘The Bucket List’.
It was a post inspired by my beautiful friend who sadly passed away last October from Cystic Fibrosis. You see, back then she was trying to tick off a list all of her own before it was time for a transplant. I didn’t agree with it at the time because I had so much hope for a life she would have with a shiny new set of lungs, and I am still so absolutely devastated that even new lungs weren’t enough to save her.
There is a huge hole in our lives where she once was. And we are so infinitely aware of her absence with every breath, and with every heart beat – the vivid reminders that we are still here trying to figure out how to live a life without her.
On New Year’s Eve, I watched her husband fall to pieces at the sound of the fireworks. I clung tight to my Mr as we watched the fireworks and missed her. Missed her greatly, immensely, inconsolably. It was a feeling that it no longer felt okay to be here in such moments without her and I welcomed this year in with tears streaming down my cheeks, wondering whether I would ever feel okay again.
When I woke up on New Years Day, and everyone began busily making New Years resolutions, I felt a little empty.
So I promised myself that this year I would start crossing more things off my own list. And I would do the things I have always dreamed of doing because life is fleeting.
There’s a song that describes the life my friend led before she left our world – ‘I Lived’ by One Republic. It played at her funeral and it’s lyrics etched themselves into my heart that day.
She lived better in 25 years than most people live in a lifetime, and I admire her for that more than she’ll ever really know.
Life doesn’t have to be mundane, it doesn’t have to be a routine. There is beauty in everyday, and we have a responsibility to find it, to illuminate it for others to see.
So I’m living – in more ways than the dictionary defines it. I’m making my dreams come true and I’m not waiting for someday to do it, I’ve already started.
And a promise to share these moments with you because I believe they matter. Look out for the #number posts – they’ll represent a dream come true, and a tribute to the amazing life that inspired them.