Learning to tie myself together.

January 21st, 2014

breathe in, breathe out. what do you need to do next?

i find that im asking myself this question on a regular basis lately….and am starting to very seriously wonder whether i am losing my mind. i started numerous conversations today, and in the midst of them, spontaneously thought of something completely unrelated ultimately causing me to stop mid-sentence and say ‘sorry, what was i saying?’. i cant imagine what this must have sounded like, but im entirely sure it wasn’t the most wonderfully witty thought process or brain function ive ever displayed. im not even quite sure how my head can struggle so much to stay on the same topic. its almost as if my mind gets bored of the story being told and decides its far more important to worry about whether the post office will still be open tomorrow afternoon when i finish work…

i think the truth is that ive tried to store too much in my brain, and ive run out of room. i genuinely think this can happen. like a USB. too many files. no more room! i can quite literally stop and notice that i have been nodding and appropriately laughing in response to what another person is saying….and not have one clue what-so-ever what was being said. its bad. and i need a holiday. and a very strong cocktail.

these past few weeks i have been busily organizing everything i need for my new job starting on the 3rd, packing up the apartment to move into a little bigger and little more luxurious new place at the end of the month, and hopelessly trying to keep the current state of my home clean for numerous potential tenant inspections. add the pressure of organizing my 21st birthday, and working everywhere else in between, and you’ll have yourself a very tired, and tear-prone mess which requires to be cuddled on an hourly basis.

id like to say the worst is over now, but i naturally fear the worst is much more truthfully yet to come. today i received my roster for the new job, and was quite disheartened to discover that it was completed a month in advance! you see, little old me who has barely received a roster weekly for the last five years, thought that maybe a months notice would be enough to request three very important dates off. unfortunately, that was not the case! it appears that i was too late, and now i am battling with deciding my approach to the situation.

being a new employee, i dont wish to burn bridges or be that person who thinks the roster should change around their plans….but its my 21st and i just as equally want to be the person who gets to enjoy that! i want to make a good impression, not ruffle the feathers that choose whether to sign a permanent contract at the end of the year. and now that ive spent the entire afternoon stressing about it – i am exhausted.

so sitting here curled up on my uncomfortable corduroy couch i am delighted to be getting rid of in two weeks, i took a deep breath in, then exhaled before asking myself ‘what do you need to do next?

my answer? stop worrying. cardinal rule for 2014; number 6.

there is nothing good that can come from worrying. sitting here stressing myself out into a miserable, confusing and honestly, unattractive mess will not change the roster. or the ever-looming mission of moving house. or the pile of clothes self-constructing on the floor.

the reality is that my life is going to challenge me in the next few months. everything ive known for the last five years is about to change. no longer will i be a waitress, but now a nurse – with patients who are placed solely in my care (it scares me too, dont worry). and no body ever promised me it was going to be easy, so i need to stop expecting it to be. its going to be a one day at a time kind of thing. deal with what you can, when you can and have the confidence that it will all work out.

one thing at a time. process it, make a decision, take action, breathe. then decide what is you do next.

its all this world asks of you.

d x

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